Before you google anything, let me answer it for you. What does dictionary.com have to say?
Body Dysmorphic Disorder [ dis-mawr-fik ] -noun: a mental disorder characterized by distorted body image and obsessions about perceived physical shortcomings. Abbreviation: BDD
Whoah!? mental disorder? that sounds ugly. Before you collectively chant “We got another one” “Another mental one” hear me out. In the age of millennials running rampant and everyone expressing themselves and disregarding molds created by the board of imaginary rulers and noblemen and women, mental disorders have become more of a “thing” or is it that people feel more comfortable being themselves and being able to reach out for help? I’m not too keen on self diagnosis and such, but after I looked up the term and did a little research (googlin’), I said “yup” that’s it “that’s me”. I do feel that I’m not alone in this, SO, let’s talk about it.
So, how’d I get here? I recall scrolling social media aka the devil himself, and seeing a picture of some obviously muscular guy looking in a mirror with the reflection in the mirror being the complete opposite- a scrawny,malnourished,petite,frail man. The caption read some hoopla about Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Now at the time I was sitting at about a smooth 190-ish lbs. I’ll explain the not so important importance of the weight here in a sec. BUT, never-the-less, I could relate. Daaaaaaaamn, could I relate and I bet a crap ton of other people could too (or am I really alone in this). So I got tha googlin’ which pretty much resulted with me saying aloud “yup…that’s me…..damn” and with me learning something new.
So, how’d I get there, the Body Dysmorphic Disorder thing? TLDR incoming. Looking back, I’ve either felt really skinny or just fat. Let’s go back first. For the majority of my life I’ve been slim, I mean skinny. I’m talking frail, man. A whole adult male weighing in at a buck forty. Now for the fellas out there, we know, for the alpha males, the over- testosteroned havin’ leaders, we know that’s a no-no for a 5 10’ man…right? or so I thought. I felt weak and defenseless…un-man like. I’d always had a girlfriend, so I guess someone liked it, but I didn’t & never did. So in 2011 I had enough. I had enough of being dammed skinny. I up my workouts. and my food intake. but not in a healthy way at all. I just ate. I mean I ate everything. I’m not kidding’, I mean if it was in front of me, I wasn’t turning it down. I was fed up. Fast forward x years. GUT. I got myself a brand new skinny gut. Now congratulations stupid, you get to suck that bad boy in everywhere you go. Have fun. DAMAGE CONTROL time. Cardio cardio cardio. That’s what I did. Then I’m back at square root-feeling skinny again. Damn… What is my body doing? How can I figure this thing out. Where is my happy medium?
Fast forward some years. Stay with me here people, we’re almost there. Let’s start…here! 2019. Early 2019 to be more exact. I’d done it. I’d been through a cycle of muscles, a gut, strength, and finally I was at a happy enough weight. At my lowest I was 140 lbs and 225 lbs at my highest. But now I feel like I’d been in this heavenly, happy medium, my dream weight (I wanted so bad to be >200 lbs). I’d done it. After weighing myself a successful happy medium weight of TWO HUNDRED AND TWELVE pounds, I headed back to my room (that’s right, big dog over here). So I get back to my room and whew…I finally get to UNSUCK MY DAMN GUT. What, what? What’s happening man, now I’m pissed. I mean I lost weight so what’s the problem. I felt good, I mean I guess I did.
Present day. Now, and I mean this, now I’m done. I’m done catering to my own foolish goals of a perfect physique. I really just want to be healthy, and that my friends is all that really matters! I’ve finally found that happy medium. Turns out that it’s really no medium at all. Oh, and now haven’t weighed myself in some time 🙂